Researchers at Penn State found that porpoises fed a diet of gull hatchlings lived for a very long time. As a matter of fact, the porpoises showed no signs of aging, and in the ten years of the project, none had died. Unfortunately, it is difficult to find enough gull hatchlings to feed porpoises, and the school had to travel further and further to get them. One particular day, the two grad students who drove to get the food had trouble with the truck and were delayed getting the hatchlings back. They were running late for the afternoon feeding, and nearing the campus when they ran out of gas just on the far side of the football practice field. They just grabbed the crates of squawking hatchlings and took off across the field, dodging football players as they went. Just as they reached the far side of the field they were arrested. They protested loudly and demanded to know what the charges were. And they got their answer:

“taking young gulls across State Lions for immortal porpoises”